We'll Meet Again
by TheDeathlyHallows-123
Summary: "Oh Matthew," she reached for his hand, her face pained. "I did so wish not to see you for many years to come." After his untimely death, Matthew finds Lavinia in the hope of finding forgiveness. (M/M pairing)


_A/N: I hold no claim to anything Downton related._

 _I saw a post on tumblr wondering if anyone knew of a story were Lavinia and Matthew meet in the afterlife and it prompted me to write this. Its short and sweet, hope you like it!_

 _Title inspired by the WWII song of the same name._

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 **We'll Meet Again**

 _Forgive me, Mary._

Matthew's eyes sprung open, his last thought echoing in his mind. He was confused, why would Mary need to forgive him? What had he done? His mind was foggy and he couldn't focus on anything but the need for his wife to forgive him. The last thing he remembered was the baby. Then it all came back to him in a flood of images that left him gasping in horror. Mary. The baby. Mary. Going to tell his family. His son. The car. The horse and cart. Mary. Darkness.

With waves of horror crashing over him, he sat up looking around trying to digest what had happened. He was in a sitting room, not unlike the one of his own childhood home. But it was different. Whereas his childhood had been characterised by laughter and his parents bustling around, this room was almost eerily calm.

 _But of course it is_ , he thought to himself, _you're dead._

 _Mary._

The thought of his wife made him want to break down in tears yet no tears would come. How could he be so foolish? Drunk on his own good fortune and joy that both Mary and their son had survived the birth, he'd neglected the basic safety rules of driving. In one moment, a lapse of concentration had cost him everything. Worse, it had cost Mary everything. He had once sworn to her that he would love and cherish her till death did they part but Matthew had never envisioned death being so soon.

The realisation finally hit him as he looked about him on the room in which he had ended up, "I'm dead."

Saying it aloud made it all the more real and traumatic. As he looked at the room that was so eerily familiar, he thought of his mother. If Mary had lost everything, then his mother had lost more. He could still recall his mother's face when she came to him in the Downton Village Hospital all those years ago during the war. He remembered her relief and joy that he was alive. Who would tell her he was gone? Who would completely break the hearts of his wife and mother?

And then there was his son. Matthew had never felt joy akin to the happiness he had when holding his son. A tiny little boy that he and Mary had made. A boy that they would watch grow up, take his first steps and say his first words. He and Mary would teach their son to love Downton and how to run it. They would be so proud of him and his achievements. And now, it would just be Mary raising their son. Their son who he didn't even know the name of.

"Matthew!"

The horrified voice broke the silence of the room and Matthew didn't need to turn around to recognise the voice. In another life, he could have loved her the way she deserved.

"Lavinia," he breathed without turning around. He didn't need to, she moved from the doorway behind him and almost glided to the armchair beside his. He wondered would he move that gracefully now. Was it a side-effect of death?

"Oh Matthew," she reached for his hand, her face pained. "I did so wish not to see you for many years to come."

Matthew just nodded, unable to speak. The guilt he felt for her had never really left him and seeing her here now in this strange after-life brought it back to the forefront of his mind.

Lavinia seemed to sense he couldn't speak so she just held his hand and watched him, which he appreciated. He had so much to process. Just this morning he had been rushing to see his first child. Mere hours later, he was dead, leaving a string of pain and grief for his loved ones to deal with while he, in death, was comforted by his late fiancé. A woman who may not even be dead if not for him.

It was hard to judge how much time had passed in a place like this, but it felt like an age before Lavinia spoke again.

"Where you happy?" she asked softly.

Matthew wanted to cry again, "so very happy."

Lavinia nodded with a smile, "I am glad. That is all I ever wanted for you."

This did nothing to help Matthew. He had loved Lavinia, he could not deny that. But he had never been in love with her in the passionate and all-consuming way that he had loved his Mary. He would have been happy with Lavinia but the life he had with Mary had gone beyond happiness to some other level of joy which he had often questioned if he deserved. And now he sat with this selfless woman who had had little care for herself, she had loved him so much. He didn't deserve her kindness.

"I'm so very sorry, Lavinia," Matthew began. "I should not –"

She held up a hand to stop him, "Shhh, Matthew it matters not what we should or shouldn't have done now. We made our choices."

"Lavinia, you died heartbroken. That was hardly a choice," Matthew interrupted.

Lavinia once again smiled. "You're right, it wasn't a choice that I died. But you're wrong about the heartbreak. I loved you Matthew, I love you still. But from the moment you introduced me to Mary, I knew I never really stood a chance. Yet I still hoped. That night I died, all I wanted was for you to live a happy and full life. I knew I might die of the influenza and I was happy to know that Mary was there for you. Yes, it still hurt to see you in her arms, but believe me when I tell you. I will never hold any of it against you."

"How can you be so forgiving?" Matthew could barely process what she was telling him.

"Love is forgiving," replied Lavinia simply.

Matthew put his head in his hands, "I did love you, you know that."

Lavinia nodded, "I know."

Matthew smiled weakly. He felt like a weight had been lifted in getting this off his shoulders. But the ever crushing thoughts of his family kept coming back to him.

"Can I ever see them again? Can we look upon the world from this place?" he questioned.

"Occasionally we can but not often," Lavinia explained. "I was able to see you propose to Mary. I thought to myself 'be happy'. I was also allowed to watch my father on occasion. However, since he passed, I have seen nothing. Sybil sees her daughter and Mr Branson sometimes. It might be the same for you. I have this theory that I can't see the world anymore because I have no one left to watch over. But you do, so hopefully it will be different for you."

Matthew breathed a sigh of relief, at least he would not be cut off entirely from his family until he met them again many years in the future. Maybe he would see his son's first steps or see his mother busy herself at the hospital. Or even see Mary happy once again, although knowing her so well and how passionately they were in love, he wondered would she ever recover from his death. He thought of her becoming as lost to the world as Tom was with only her child tethering her to reality.

He suddenly recalled what Lavinia had mentioned about Tom, "you spoke of Sybil. She is here too then?"

Lavinia nodded, "We don't meet everyone we knew in life here, but I was drawn to Sybil a few months ago and we have spent a lot of time together. I only wish I could have known her better before we died."

"I would like to see her," Matthew realised as he spoke that Sybil would understand him in a way Lavinia could not. She too had died on the birthday of her child, leaving the love of her life alone. It gave Matthew further comfort to realise that Mary would perhaps be able to share her grief with Tom who knew how she might feel – at least to some extent.

"And she will want to see you," Lavinia smiled knowingly. "I would offer to look for her but as I was drawn here, I think she will be too when the time is right. This place operates in strange ways."

"Well I for one am glad it does, you have helped me Lavinia. Since your death, I have felt guilt but speaking to you again and clearing the air has been a much needed relief," Matthew reached for her hand again. "My heart will always be Mary's, but you and I, at least we have each other here now."

"I only wish that we were having this conversation in about 1970," Lavinia smiled weakly. "You deserved so much more from life."

"We both did, my dear, we both did."

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 _A/N: thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed this as its my first time writing Downton fanfiction. I considered writing a second chapter in which Matthew meets Sybil but I wasn't sure so if you're interested please let me know!_


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